If That Isn't Love

March 1972

I had broken up with my girlfriend and one day fiance a week before the day I went to the officer's quarters to ask Brian about something. Brian had a Jimmy Swaggart tape in his tape recorder playing in the background as I sat down to ask him about whatever I needed to ask him.

In the background a song came on I never heard before called, "How Long Has It Been?" The words cut through me:

How long has it been since you talked with the Lord
And told him your heart's hid in secrets
How long since you prayed how long since you stayed
On your knees till the light shone through
How long has it been since your mind felt at ease
How long since your heart knew no burden
Can you call him your friend how long has it been since you knew that he cared for you
How long has it been since you knelt by and then prayed to the Lord up in heaven
How long since you knew that he'd answer you
And would keep you the long night through
How long has it been since you woke with the dawn and felt this day is worth living
Can you call him your friend how long has it been since you knew that he cared for you

I sobbed uncontrollably out loud.

After the song I explained to Brian that I had backslidden and as I finally gained my composure another song came on written by Dottie Rambo:

He left the splendor of heaven
Knowing His destiny
It was the lonely hill of Golgotha
There to lay down His life for me

And if that isn't love
Then the ocean is dry
There's no stars in the sky
And the sparrows can't fly
If that isn't love
Then heaven's a myth
There's no feeling like this
If that isn't love

Even in death He remembered
The thief hanging by His side
Then he spoke of love and compassion
And He took him to paradise

And if that isn't love
Then the ocean is dry
There's no stars in the sky
And the sparrows can't fly
If that isn't love
Then heaven's a myth
There's no feeling like this
If that isn't love


Without the Word and Prayer in my life, there was a huge void. I felt alienated from God, like God was disappointed in me and I didn't want to face it or deal with it. This void didn't come overnight but came gradually, day by day, so slowly that I didn't realize I had fallen and had no clue how far from God I was. My attitude changed as I became more and more critical about the church and people in it. 

Even when I knew that I had fallen, I had no clue how to get back out of the pit I had dug for myself. I felt God was angry with me and would not want me back right away, but while in this state, in Brian's room, my life placed back on track as I listened to the words of God's forgiveness in the songs.

I felt like the Prodigal Son felt in Luke 15, who left his home and turned his back on his father in order to get "freedom" and to be on his own. He had friends and partied until one day his income dried up and he was left without anywhere to go. He sold himself to the lowest of jobs until he finally decided it was time to swallow his pride and go home. So with his tail between his legs he went back home.

The parable is surprising, because we learn that his dad was waiting for him. His dad didn't scold him, lecture him, get angry or yell at him. His dad ran to his son and hugged him with the biggest and most intense hug. I felt that in Brian's room. It was overwhelming and that is why all I could do is cry.

The story in Luke 15 continues to say that dad then gave his lost son clean clothes and threw the best welcome home party.


I wept again and I knew that God loved me.