Feelings

November 1971

Brian was an amazing Evangelist. Under the impact of two short sentences I left one life and set out on a completely unknown path. I got rid of the drugs I had with me and woke up the next morning with a new feeling in me. It felt good, not euphoric, but good. The night before I was too perplexed, too much in the middle of so many feelings that I was like a conductor that had been overloaded with too much power. I was emotionless as a result. But the next morning I woke up and my feelings came alive.

I remembered quite clearly what had transpired the night before and I felt like God was in me. I was actually surprised that I felt this the day after my experience with Brian. In fact, I continued to feel great for several days. I felt like God was with me and accepting me. But days later I woke up feeling down, so I went to Brian and told him what I was feeling, "Is God angry with me or something?

Brian told me that it was natural to feel ups and downs and that eventually they should calm down to some degree. I think Brian was trying to tell me that I shouldn't guage my relationship with God on feelings.